After returning from Europe, I became even more determined to work in the West, and the first thing I did was start looking for a job in Europe. I posted my resume on LinkedIn, and soon I started receiving responses. Most often, I was invited to interviews in the Czech Republic, less often in other countries. However, despite my persistent efforts, I was not always able to make significant progress. Perhaps I lacked some knowledge, or perhaps my English skills were not good enough. But this did not stop me—I kept searching and striving for my goal.
One August day, it was time to receive my Innopolis diploma. A master’s degree is awarded after two years, and since our entire program was designed for one year, the second year was just a formal requirement to complete. The time came when the diploma could be obtained, and Anya and I went to Kazan. I showed her Innopolis, and to be honest, she really liked it. I was glad that we had such a great time together. Besides Innopolis, we walked around Kazan, and on the way, we also stopped in Nizhny Novgorod and spent some time there. It was a wonderful adventure.
As a result, my efforts led to a job offer from a major Western company with an office in Moscow—Ingram Micro. This was an important step forward, and I was very happy to find myself in this company with a good salary and interesting tasks. However, my desire to work abroad never left me. In parallel with my job, I enrolled in English courses to improve my skills and kept working on myself.
On October 1, 2018, I officially became an employee of Ingram Micro, leaving my job at Iteco behind and wrapping up all previous tasks. But my goal of finding a job in the West remained, and I continued moving toward it.
By this time, Anya had already finished her courses and found a full-time job at Sberbank Technology. I picked her up from work several times—her office was not far from Moscow City. Everything was going well: I was satisfied with my new job and salary, and Anya seemed to have integrated well into SberTech. However, closer to the New Year, I began to notice that she was spending more and more time with her colleagues and less and less with me. We tried to arrange meetings with friends, for example, before the New Year, but Anya often said she was busy and couldn’t find time for it.
At some point, this started to bother me. One day, unable to contain myself, I went to her place and told her everything I had on my mind. In response, Anya started hitting me with her fists in a rage. I hit her back once—not hard, but I still regret it. That was the moment that symbolized our breakup. I slammed the door and left. So, from the end of winter 2018, my relationship with Anya was completely over.
In February 2019, I was in a very difficult emotional state. The unresolved situation with Nadya continued to haunt me, and I began to seriously consider that maybe the only way out was to let her go completely. I realized that our relationship was unlikely ever to be restored, and I tried to find a way to get rid of the pain that would not leave me.
During that period, I was emotionally shattered, and one day became especially hard. I remembered how we met through Ekaterina T., the director of the dance school, and, since I had decided to let Nadya go, I decided to express my pent-up feelings. Unfortunately, under the influence of alcohol, I couldn’t hold back and sent several emotional messages through VKontakte using the gift feature.
I wrote to Ekaterina T. that Nadya had slandered me and that it was unfair. Driven by emotions, I even suggested that perhaps she should fire Nadya from the dance school. Of course, I realized that this was impossible, since they were friends, and Ekaterina T. would never agree to such a step. However, for me, it wasn’t an attempt to punish Nadya, but rather a cry for help. I desperately wanted to be heard and understood. I hoped that in this way I could convey to Ekaterina and Nadya the full depth of my pain. I wanted them to understand how unfair I thought the situation was. But when I realized that my words only widened the gap between us, the feeling of disappointment grew even stronger.
I understand that Ekaterina T. found herself in a difficult position when she had to deal with my emotional messages. Although I acted impulsively and emotionally, I never wanted to put her in an awkward position. However, I realized that this was far from the best way to express my feelings. Instead of resolving the situation, I only made it worse. My messages did not convey the depth of pain I wanted to express, and I was misunderstood. This only widened the gap between us and probably further damaged my reputation. After I sent those messages, the realization of my mistake came instantly, and I felt even worse.
In fact, it was this incident that led Nadya to call my company in 2020. But more about that later.
But I also realized that I had a lot of good people around me—not just acquaintances, but friends. These were my old friends from the magazine “Around the World,” former students, a new colleague from Ingram Micro, guys from rafting trips, and also Nikolay P. It occurred to me that with so many interesting people, it would be a good idea to start organizing regular meetings, for example, board game nights on Fridays. So that’s what I did. We started gathering at an anti-café and spending evenings playing board games. Over time, new people began to join our group, and it became a great way to expand my social circle.
During one of these gatherings, I had an idea—I wanted to buy a BMW. I could afford it, and I decided to share this thought with those around me because I believe that if you say your goal out loud, your chances of achieving it increase. Of course, there will always be people who are envious, and this can cause resistance. But if people support you, the goal becomes closer to reality. Gradually, as summer approached, the idea of buying a BMW became stronger within me.
The summer of 2019 was eventful. I went on more rafting trips, which I had become especially fond of since my first trip in May 2018.
By the middle of the summer, I was already getting tired of only sending Nadya gifts through VKontakte. I wanted to share more—pictures, videos. For that, I needed at least WhatsApp, which meant I needed Nadya’s phone number. But getting it was not so simple. I tried calling her dance school several times, hoping that someone from the staff could help, but each time I was refused. Once I was even told that Nadya herself had asked them not to give her contact information to anyone.
This upset me a lot, but I wasn’t ready to give up. After all, we live in Russia, where you can get almost anything if you know how. After searching online for a bit, I found a lawyer who helped me acquire her phone number for 5,000 rubles. So now I had Nadya’s contact information.
That summer, I also decided to renovate my beloved brother Ilya’s room and invest some serious money in it. I wanted to do something special for him. I replaced the windows, put up new wallpaper, installed a new ceiling, and put in a lamp with a remote control. For complete comfort, I bought him a huge Samsung TV with a curved screen and a PlayStation. In addition, I bought a new sofa and wardrobe so that the room would be not only cozy but also functional. Now my brother Ilya is happy, and his renovated room has become the perfect place to relax.
In July 2019, I contacted Ruslan from the Unification Church and found out that he was organizing a volunteer program near Yekaterinburg. In August, there was going to be a marathon there, and before that, it was necessary to clear the course, set up the stage, and organize logistics for the participants. Ruslan was recruiting a team of volunteers willing to spend a week in a tent camp, working to improve the forest area: trimming branches, clearing the road, cutting fallen trees, and preparing the site for the event. Also, on the day of the marathon itself, our job was to provide water and other necessary support to the participants.
I immediately decided I wanted to go. It was not only a chance to take part in an interesting project, but also an opportunity to meet old friends, make new ones, and experience the spirit of teamwork. We really did live in tents, worked outdoors, and felt that we were contributing to an important event.
What I especially remember is that during the breaks between work, I read a lot. In the winter, I had bought a tablet, and it turned out to be a great companion on this trip. I brought with me the book “Chaos Theory” because I had long wanted to understand the subject. It was a challenging but fascinating read that broadened my horizons and helped me understand more deeply the patterns that govern complex systems.
Chaos theory studies how small changes in initial conditions can lead to drastically different results. This is especially noticeable in meteorology—modern weather forecasting models are based on this concept. Even minimal variations in data on temperature, pressure, or humidity can eventually result in completely different meteorological scenarios. This effect is known as the “butterfly effect”—when a seemingly insignificant action, such as the flap of a butterfly’s wing, can eventually influence the formation of a hurricane on the other side of the world.
As I delved into this theory, I also became acquainted with the concept of fractals—mathematical objects that can be seen as the visual manifestation of chaos. Fractals are characterized by the fact that their parts repeat the structure of the whole, at any scale. One of the most famous examples is the fractal geometry of Benoit Mandelbrot, where endless self-similarity is observed in natural objects: snowflakes, clouds, coastlines, the branching of trees, and lightning.
Fractals show that chaos is not really chaotic but obeys hidden laws.
When people asked me why I was doing this, I answered simply: “I need to understand; I need to know what it is and how to work with it. I want to know the basic principles.” Although I didn’t manage to finish the entire book, I got through the key ideas and felt that I was coming closer to a deeper understanding of how the world works. The volunteer experience was also invaluable—I helped, learned, communicated, and received an energy boost. As a result, this trip became one of the brightest events of that summer.
Sometime in early autumn, I finally bought a BMW X6—the dream I had pursued for so long became a reality.
Soon after, my English teacher changed. Before, I had a woman as a teacher, but she had some personal issues, so I was assigned a new teacher. This time, I chose a native speaker, and my new teacher was Erwin from South Africa, who had British roots. From then on, we started meeting three times a week for English lessons. This was an excellent decision, and we are still friends and keep in touch. Erwin from South Africa turned out to be not only a great teacher but also a good friend.
