When a person asks themselves how to build relationships that bring joy and harmony, the answer may not be about learning something new from the outside, but rather about applying what is already known inside. We do not need to learn new truths about relationships — we need to allow ourselves to express our true essence.
Relationships are an opportunity, not an obligation. They are a space where we express and create ourselves, revealing our best qualities. The purpose of relationships is not so much to satisfy our expectations of others, but to help us discover our own essence.
What matters in relationships is not the goal of getting something from another person, but the desire to share yourself. To be yourself. The essence of interaction is to decide who I want to be in this moment and to express that. And if it seems to you that another person should “fill” your inner voids or make you happy, this already creates unnecessary pressure.
True relationships, as opposed to superficial ones, mean that two complete individuals share their wholeness with each other. Not to fill each other, but to create something new together — a shared experience.
However, many of us, myself included, often forget this. We get hurt by actions and words, and then confusion arises. In such moments, it is easy to say “do not take it to heart,” but in reality, it is much harder. The question is not how to avoid pain, but how to accept it and use it for growth. Which part of myself do I choose to become when faced with this pain?
Any relationship is a sacred opportunity for inner growth and understanding. We create ourselves through interactions with other people, events, and worlds. How we respond to these interactions defines us as individuals.
When difficulties arise, it is important to remember: this is not a “failure,” this is a chance. It does not matter how long the relationship lasts — its length does not determine its value. What matters is how you use every moment to grow, to become better, and to be the person you want to be.
Every time I encounter difficulties or hurt in relationships, I learn to see in them an opportunity for transformation. In such moments, I ask myself: “Who do I want to be in this situation?” This question is the foundation of my philosophy, on which not only my life is built, but also my relationships.
Moral or How This Affects Me
So, the moral of this chapter is the following: the most important thing in any relationship is not how the other person behaves, but who you are in response to each of their actions. It is important to realize that your reactions, actions, and decisions are a reflection of your own essence, not just a reaction to external circumstances. This applies to every situation, every action of your partner, every word.
Now think about how important this has been for me in my relationship with Nadya all these years. I have tried to respond with dignity to each of her actions, whether it was painting pictures, writing books, sending flowers, wishing happy birthday, or other pleasant things. It was my choice — to choose a response that reflects my striving for love and care, even in the most difficult moments.
I have to admit that it is not always possible to behave as I would like. There are times when my reactions leave much to be desired. But I sincerely try, I train myself from within, I learn to stay calm and to show love, care, and kindness, no matter what the external circumstances are. Maybe it does not always turn out perfectly, but it is exactly through this that I grow. And this has given me enormous opportunities for inner and spiritual growth.
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