Over time, I began to notice that Vasya was trying to draw me into his adventures. He constantly asked me for money, motivating it with some dubious scheme involving transporting drugs by train from the Czech Republic. This idea scared me, and I didn’t want to be involved. However, Vasya always tried to call my bluff, saying I wasn’t a real man if I refused. This situation exhausted me, and I even shared my doubts with Nadya. I don’t know what she thought of me at that moment. I had to maintain my confidence, although inside I was increasingly realizing that I did not want to be a part of this. Vasya insisted that it was possible to earn a million this way, but I couldn’t trust his words. Vasya’s presence increasingly began to make me feel uneasy.
Recently, I started thinking more and more about helping Nadya master online work. I saw her potential and wanted to share my experience accumulated over years in IT. It seemed to me that this could be a great opportunity for her to gain independence and develop new skills. I even thought she could become part of my team, and we could work on projects together. It seemed like a great chance for both of us.
But when I shared this idea with Vasya, he abruptly objected: “Are you crazy, Igor? Don’t you dare do this.” At the time, I didn’t understand why he reacted like that, and his words caused me internal confusion. I began to worry why I couldn’t help Nadya the way I thought was right. This became one of those moments when a certain resentment and misunderstanding started to build up inside me, which later affected my actions.
One day Nadya invited me to her dacha, where her friends Dasha and Maxim were already gathered. I took a poker set with me—the game we often played with Vasya and Zhenya—and decided to teach the guys at the dacha. The whole day was spent playing games, and it was really great. We not only got carried away with poker, but also played hide-and-seek and maybe “Crocodile” (charades). The atmosphere was cheerful and relaxed, laughter and joy accompanied every game, creating a sense of lightness and unity.
However, once, when Maxim won at poker, I, not even noticing it, said: “Luck favors fools.” I said it by accident, rather in the heat of the moment, and perhaps it reflected the resentment that had accumulated after our previous misunderstanding, when he apparently decided I was involved with drugs. After our short conversation back then, I felt that there was tension between us, and this feeling did not leave me. Although I did not want to offend anyone, the phrase burst out spontaneously, and I thought it would go unnoticed. However, after some time, Nadya voiced a complaint about it, and it became clear that that incident had left a mark on her perception of our communication. I realized that this episode was taken much more seriously than I had initially thought.
In the evening, when everyone started getting ready for bed, I felt some responsibility for keeping order, especially after all those experiences and conversations. While the others went to rest, I decided to wash all the dishes in the dacha kitchen. For me, it was a way to show care and relieve Nadya of household chores. The next day, she proudly told her friends: “My boyfriend washed all the dishes!” These words unexpectedly became a pleasant compliment for me—I just wanted to help, but it turned out that it became an important gesture for her. Despite all the worries, moments like this gave me a sense that I could be useful and valuable in our relationship.
As Nadya and I were getting ready for bed, I couldn’t hold back and told her that I didn’t want us to break up. These words escaped me against the background of all the pressures that had built up over the past few days—especially after the conversations with Vasya. His constant attempts to involve me in dangerous schemes started to put so much pressure on me that I began to feel threatened not only for my well-being but also for my relationship with Nadya. I was afraid that because of this she would stop feeling safe next to me. This feeling overwhelmed me more and more, and it was what made me confess that evening. Nadya looked at me in surprise and asked why I didn’t believe that we would stay together. Her faith in the best was what united us, but at that moment I couldn’t explain to her how Vasya’s influence was undermining my inner convictions. I realized that I couldn’t simply ignore this anxiety, but Nadya’s words brought me back to reality. Even though I could have blamed my words on the effect of alcohol, I honestly confessed my worries.
I also had a friend from university, Slava A. One day, he invited me and Nadya to his place in Krasnogorsk. I thought it would be with an overnight stay, as Slava had hinted at that. We prepared and went there. Our goal was to spend the day at the Starzy Zaton pond—a picturesque place in Krasnogorsk. When we arrived, the atmosphere was amazing: warm weather, nature all around, and a quiet pond where we decided to swim.
The time spent became special for Nadya and me. We swam, laughed, enjoyed the moment, and I remember how our eyes met in the water—it was something truly magical. We were both happy with that day and with each other. It seemed that time had stopped.
However, plans for an overnight stay changed. Slava said that he had urgent matters and that we couldn’t stay overnight at his place. Of course, this was a little disappointing, but overall, the day remained pleasant, and we left feeling that we had a good time.
My grandfather is buried in Vilnius, Lithuania, and this allowed me to get a free Schengen visa every six months for two weeks to visit his grave. During my relationship with Nadya, I decided to take advantage of this opportunity. In August, I obtained visas for myself and my brother, and we went to Lithuania. Our grandmother was waiting for us there, and we spent those two weeks with her.
It was a special time. In addition to spending it with my grandmother, I was pleased to show Nadya that I had relatives in Europe, and this somehow broadened our horizons. I often kept in touch with Nadya via laptop right from Vilnius. We talked, laughed, shared news, and simply enjoyed communicating despite the distance. Nadya was sincerely happy to see and hear me. These moments were truly important to me and became some of those bright episodes that have forever remained in my memory.
My former boss Nikolay K. kept trying to rekindle our friendship, and although I had some doubts, I still agreed to his invitations. One day, he invited Nadya and me for a barbecue. It was a nice offer, and we happily went to spend time in nature.
When we arrived, the atmosphere was fun and friendly. We relaxed, laughed, and enjoyed the time. However, in the midst of our gathering, Nikolay suggested smoking weed. For me, it wasn’t the first time, and I didn’t see anything critical about it, but for Nadya, it was an unpleasant surprise. She simply got up and walked away, not wanting to remain part of the company. I stayed put, feeling the tension arise between us. I was ashamed before her, because I realized that perhaps I had overstepped her personal boundaries.
After this incident, something changed. A couple of days later, Nadya unexpectedly said: “You should go to the army, it would do you good.” These words cut me, and I felt hurt. It seemed to me that she didn’t consider me disciplined and responsible enough. Maybe she saw in me a person who lacked moral strength? This was especially unpleasant to hear, considering that for several years I had been working at my first job—in a company where I had been learning order and responsibility from the very beginning. I didn’t understand why Nadya said that, but I decided not to escalate the conflict and kept it to myself.
I planned to talk to Nadya and explain my position. I wanted to tell her that, in my view, smoking weed isn’t something terrible and is even safer than alcohol. However, I also realized that her feelings were important, and it might have been a fundamental issue for her. I sincerely intended to discuss this with her, but unfortunately, such a conversation never took place. The situation remained unresolved, and this misunderstanding continued to hang between us.
After all the events that happened between me, Vasya, Zhenya, and their circle, I increasingly realized that Nadya and her friends embodied what I was looking for—light, normality, and calm. Their ease in communication, friendliness, and positive energy created a special atmosphere around Nadya’s circle. I felt that I wanted to be part of this group, that it was these people who could make me better. I was ready to do anything to stay in this world, to remain close to Nadya and her friends forever, to get as far away as possible from my past, from those who pulled me down. Deep down, I knew I needed to break out of the circle of communication with Vasya, Zhenya, and others who were destroying my life. I was ready to completely change my path so as never again to see those who, it seemed, were leading me to ruin.
At that moment, when my fears and insecurities could have overtaken me, I said: “I will teach our children always to fight for what they love.” These words were not just an emotional reaction to inner experiences—they were the voice formed over years of searching for meaning, reflection, and battling my own limitations. I realized that they reflected not only my inner resolve but also the influence of ideas I had drawn from Paulo Coelho. His philosophy of following your heart and overcoming obstacles on the way to your dream had a strong impact on me. In his books, I found answers to my questions and strengthened my belief that the goal justifies any trials if it is true for your heart.
I knew that my words might seem harsh or too idealistic to those accustomed to pragmatism and caution. But for me, this was not a statement of weakness, but of conscious strength. I wanted to show the world and myself that I was not afraid to go against the current, that faith in love and ideals is stronger than fear and doubt. Coelho taught that every person is their own warrior of light, and at that moment, I felt exactly like such a warrior, ready to fight not only for myself but also for those who would be by my side.
