When I began my sessions with Lenochka, I had one main expectation: openness, honesty, and a willingness to engage in dialogue. I was looking for a real discussion of my feelings, thoughts, and experiences, hoping for depth and questions that would make me reflect even more. But with each session, I encountered the fact that Lena, instead of engaging in discussion, seemed to put on a mask of polite agreement.
From the very beginning, something felt off. When I told her about my desire to restore my relationship with Nadya, her first reaction sounded like a generic phrase: “I see you have a great love story.” This immediately puzzled me. How could she know it was a “great story”? She didn’t ask a single question, didn’t try to learn more about my life or what was behind my words. This was the first sign that she was not ready to delve into my reality. Instead of a dialogue, she chose simple, but irritating, agreement.
And this continued again and again. When I shared my thoughts, feelings, even provoked her into discussions by saying absurd things, expecting a reaction or questions from her—I received nothing. Lena would simply nod and agree. With each such nod, I felt the conversation lose its meaning. Where were her questions? Where was the intellectual tension I expected from a specialist?
One of the key moments was the day I told her that Nadya’s boyfriend or husband was not my rival. I deliberately chose this phrase to hear her opinion, to spark a discussion. But instead of asking questions or trying to understand why I thought that way, she just said, “Yes, he’s not your rival.” I was shocked. She didn’t know me, or him, or Nadya, or our history, but she agreed anyway. This readiness to agree devalued everything I was saying.
Over time, I started to notice that Lena was using neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) techniques, adjusting her words to my thoughts, as if she didn’t have an opinion of her own and was just repeating what I had already said. It felt as if she was trying to “reprogram” me through her agreements, instead of giving me space for a real dialogue. This irritated and annoyed me even more.
But the peak of it all came when Lena started insisting that my feelings for Nadya were simply infatuation, that I was idealizing her and not seeing reality. This drove me mad. How can you make such superficial conclusions based on just two facts? She didn’t even try to find out why I felt that way, didn’t ask any questions, and simply imposed her standard templates on my situation. After that, I realized that, for Lena, my experiences were just a set of stereotypes she didn’t want to deal with.
Her suggestions and manipulations became more and more obvious. She was afraid to tell me the truth to my face, thinking that I would “explode” or wouldn’t handle her words. But the problem wasn’t that she was telling the truth, it was that she was lying, pretending to understand me, when in reality she was avoiding confrontation. For me, this became a real betrayal. I was looking for an honest dialogue, sincerity, but found only manipulation and lies.
At some point, I realized that Lena didn’t see me as an adult capable of understanding and dealing with his own feelings. She was projecting her own worldview onto me, trying to become a “mommy” who knows better what I need. This was absurd and humiliating. I didn’t need her care; I needed open discussion, the opportunity to speak and to be heard.
These sessions with Lena became a lesson for me. I realized that sometimes people, even professionals, can avoid difficult conversations and are not ready to admit that their ideas about a person are wrong. Lena didn’t want to ask questions because she had already decided for me that I was “deluded” or “idealizing.” But this says more about her, about her fears and inability to step outside her own templates, than about me.
For me, this experience became further proof of how important it is to be honest with yourself and with others. I will never again allow anyone to reduce my thoughts and feelings to stereotypes. I deserve a dialogue, not manipulation. And if someone is not ready for such communication, that’s their problem, not mine.
